The Heartache of Singlehood

["You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss]

Thugs Get Lonely Too-2pac.

Singlehood is pain. It is a cruel ghost that should be banished once and for all. I know my utterances will compel some to pick up stones. I know nothing will restrain you from casting a stone on my head. How could he say that?  What’s wrong with him? Is it a must someone have a girlfriend or boyfriend? Those questions are rotating in your mind. I know. Either you are on my side or against. But that is not the point. I am just a worried young man. 

I lie on my bed sometimes, a book by my side-books have pushed me through most storms of life and ponder on the lost opportunities. The chances that I let go. The girls that my brash nature tossed to other arms. I recall with regret the hearts that I broke knowingly. I also remember those that happened by mistake. I was only irrational. I was just restless. May be I could have made them understand that it is a weakness. But how do you share your weaknesses with a partner you do not feel? Someone who may blackmail you tomorrow.

A person who will kiss and tell. Not me. I abhor that Hollywood complex. However, it is imperative to also assess the other side of the coin. Those women who crashed me. Contrary to myth, young men who have been heartbroken are afraid to toss their nets back to the sea. I look back and still wonder why things never worked out. I did all I could. Managed my irrationality and eccentricity to make things work but nothing happened. All I got were shattered hopes. Wasted moments that was pure deception. Singlehood is hard. 

This is especially if you recall the best moments together with someone you loved deeply before the fissures began to show. You look back and tell yourself: Maybe I could have done better. Maybe I misunderstood things. I should not have reacted the way I did. One gets wrecked by hard questions that its answers can no longer apply. All water is under the bridge. You can do nothing. Philosophers advise people to mourn for their sins at times. For redemption. For cleansing. Mourning to tell God we are but mere mortals who make mistakes. We constantly need guidance. From friends, family and even strangers.

            Sometimes it does not pay to have a tough persona. Jellying is not that bad once in a while. Making moves to someone and telling them how you appreciate them. Thereafter you can test the waters. If the temperatures are conducive then you advance to the next stage. That’s how life should work. But most of us are limiting ourselves. I am constantly afraid to dive. My demeanor of a budding intellectual limits me to the grass on the other side. They say it all ends with you. That last decision. It is up to you to decide slogging in singlehood or cross over to making someone a partner. Yeah, even success is catastrophic!